Everything’s the Devil

by Ricky Davis

For instance, when you start a car, you put the devil into the devil and turn it. Then you put your foot on the devil and shift devils, and you drive the devil down the devil until you reach wherever it is you’re going. When you brush your teeth, you’re actually brushing (more or less) 32 devils, using a long devil with a bunch of little fibrous devils on one end. When you inhale, you’re breathing the devil into your body, which is also the devil. Descartes said that there’s a devil trying to deceive us at every turn, but I don’t buy that, since we’re all devils too and that puts us on the same side. Babies are the devil. Old people are the devil. Dogs and cats are the devil. The earth and the sky are the devil. So are plants. And birds. Hell, that thing some people call God is the devil. The devil is the devil. Everything’s the devil. But that’s okay. Because if everything’s the devil, then everything is exactly what the devil is. And that’s everything. So, everything’s everything. Relax.